Thinking back to my application essay for this fellowship, I was exhilarated by the opportunity to work with instead of for a community in the form of conducting action research for a social enterprise. When I was writing my application, I was taking a social entrepreneurship class, so I was familiar with the definitions of action research and social entrepreneurship. But I was only familiar with them through reading about them rather than learning about them immersively. I realized this fellowship was an opportunity to turn those two-dimensional definitions into three-dimensional concepts, which has certainly rung true. My fellowship partner Richie and I conducted research with our host social enterprise, LivelyHoods, that began through biweekly calls during our pre-fieldwork course in the spring, peaked during our eight weeks in the field, and didn’t conclude until our final call with them two days before Thanksgiving to go over our deliverables. It's truly a collaborative experience, and it taught me how to communicate effectively with more mentors than I’ve ever had at once, all united by a common goal: to advance LivelyHoods’ impact by discovering ways for it to become more financially sustainable. Armed with a 40-page action research plan and a number of facts about each of the three countries in East Africa I’d be working in, I felt as confident as I thought I could upon arriving in the field (although I knew in the back of my mind that more often than not, fellows start from scratch the moment they arrive given the constantly changing nature of social enterprises). After the first week or so, my eagerness to execute high-quality research remained high, but my confidence began to dwindle as I felt imposter syndrome start to creep in. “Am I really qualified enough to be doing this?”, “I’m sure there's someone who could do this work better”, “If I had more hard skills I’d be better able to help LivelyHoods further its impact”, my inner voice would say. Sure, I’ve improved my writing and critical thinking skills throughout my time in college thus far as an Environmental Studies major, and I’ve developed some hard skills like geographic information systems (GIS) and R. Still, I questioned whether I should’ve stuck with computer science as my major rather than changing to environmental studies sophomore year. LivelyHoods needed financial and data analysis in addition to a general analysis of their operations and partnerships. And what if I could’ve provided more value to them if I'd stuck with computer science and still found this fellowship? I felt inadequate, even though I knew I was doing my best—a tough feeling to grapple with. Not until the three weeks of break between returning from East Africa/attending the GSBI Accelerator and before school resumed did I do enough career research and self-work to genuinely lift myself out of feeling this way. In effort not to let impostor syndrome affect the quality or thoughtfulness of my research while still in the field, I tried to put a cap on the feeling and persist in hopes that in the end my work would still be of use and value to LivelyHoods, even if it wasn’t as much as I’d hoped. After Richie and I received positive feedback on the drafts of our deliverables from mentors, and especially after we received positive feedback from the LivelyHoods team during our last call with them, the weight of impostor syndrome had finally lifted. But perhaps even more so than the positive feedback from LivelyHoods and mentors, my vocational discernment journey that I began to dive deeper into this quarter has substantially increased my confidence in the major I chose and the skills I’ve learned. For that I'm deeply grateful, because if not for this fellowship I think I'd be less sure of myself and what I want to do in the future. When the fellowship was just beginning in the spring, our focus was to quickly get up to speed on the world of social entrepreneurship through reading books like Getting Beyond Better, Poor Economics, and Building a Successful Social Venture, in tandem with developing our action research plan. Because I was hyper-focused on this, I didn’t foresee the great friendships I would either make or strengthen with the other fellows. I have a number of close friends here at SCU, but after spending the majority of the past nine months around 17 other exceptionally motivated and grounded students, I feel like I’ve truly found family here. Much like many of the people I met and worked with in East Africa and the entirety of this fellowship experience, the friendships I have with the other fellows is something I will cherish forever. Touching down in my home state of Colorado after eight weeks of fieldwork and a week of networking at the GSBI Accelerator in Santa Clara, I imagined I’d want to do nothing more than vegetate for a significant portion of our three-week break before school resumed. But this wasn’t quite the case. Was I exhausted? I’d say so. But was I also beginning to notice the symptoms of imposter syndrome resurface? Yes, and now I finally had more time to look deeper into it, face it head on, and try to solve it. It seemed obvious to me that I was never going to fully relax until I found a solution to feeling this way, so I chose to reflect and do career research. I thought that if I could reassure myself that I really do have valuable, employable skills, even as someone who hasn't yet completed her undergrad degree, and even as someone who might not have the confidence to always see it, I’d feel better. Many hours of research later, I actually felt less exhausted than I did prior because I’d found a handful of potential next steps after graduating that align well with my interests, skills, and goals. What a relief. I realized that choosing to switch my major to what I am most passionate about sophomore year was the right decision. In fact, it helped guide me toward this fellowship and toward the newfound confidence and fervor I feel in pursuit of the next steps in my career—yet another serendipitous aspect of this fellowship for me. I find the world of social entrepreneurship inspiring; it’s an essential piece to solving the complex puzzle that is global poverty and the ecological crisis. I also feel that working with a social enterprise, walking with their primary beneficiaries (in my case, sales agents that LivelyHoods recruits and trains) to market clean-energy products in the slums, and hearing firsthand multiple stories of sales agents escaping the poverty trap, only reinforced my passion for social and environmental justice. I know wholeheartedly that is what I will dedicate my career to. Through the vocational discernment portion of this fellowship, I have done informational interviews with people whose careers inspire me and that I could potentially see myself doing in the future. Throughout this process, I have found that perhaps my skills and interests could be best suited to pursuing a few different options after graduation, some of which are: applying for a Master’s of Environmental Law & Policy, applying for a CivicSpark fellowship to work on climate change resilience, and applying for an assistantship position at a law firm to then decide if I want to pursue a degree in Environmental Law. This fellowship has shaped me into a more confident and independent person. My desire to ensure that this world is not a worse place because I lived in it has only grown stronger because of this experience, and I now have a deeper understanding of the critical importance of community engagement and collaboration on the journey to solving the world’s most pressing issues. Although I know the process of deciding on one's career is dynamic and in some cases ever-changing, I know what is important to me and I’m grateful to be able to draw from this experience in all my future endeavors. Thank you Miller Center, and thank you LivelyHoods for such an impactful experience. Despite the ambiguity and times of stress, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could.
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Change proposes constancy. I’ve started and restarted this post more times than I can count, but I’ve realized that there is no perfect way to reflect on this summer. There is no perfect way to describe the meaningful and transformative experiences this fellowship has afforded me. There is no perfect way to start or finish a blog post, so I will solely worry about being authentic. If I accomplish that, I think this post will be something I’m proud of. Disclaimer aside, this summer truly has been transformative, but in ways different than I expected. I thought I would have more inclinations to write while I was abroad, but I rarely found myself wanting to remove myself from the present to reflect. I also didn’t feel that if I were to articulate those reflections that I would feel confident enough to post a blog about them. But now I finally do. I think reflection is a very healthy thing—crucial to self-growth, which is why I’ve been journaling at least a few sentences each day since my first year of college. But for some reason, during the eight weeks I was in the field I felt like I wanted to take the experiences as they came and worry about how they were affecting me and how I would write about them later. Alas, my journal entries were short, and I waited to piece them and my learnings together. Later has arrived, and I finally feel like I’ve cultivated the mindset to write freely and without worry, knowing I can always go back and edit later. Explaining my experience in East Africa this summer to friends, family, and professors has helped me to process the experience and has cemented many bright, many intense, and a few pivotal moments in my memory. I feel like a stronger, more secure, and yet more vulnerable person because of my experience this summer. The above phrase “change proposes constancy” confirms that we are often uncertain of our path(s) in life. Throughout my life and most of college, I have sought constancy. I seek security (friend security, GPA security, job security, to name a few). And despite the insurmountable amount of desperation I have sent out into the ether, the universe returns security to me in very sparing doses. This summer was the first time in a while where I fully let go of seeking security, knowing that ambiguity was going to be fully unavoidable. I couldn’t be happier that I did. This summer has taught me how I react to change. I now more fully know how many times our itinerary can change without stressing too much, trusting that it will all work out. I now more fully know that even though I lack business skills, critical thinking and interdisciplinary thinking skills I have learned from being an Environmental Studies major are just as valuable to conducting action research and developing recommendations for a social enterprise like LivelyHoods. I now more fully know how many hours I can spend on speed-bump ridden highways travelling to different branches of LivelyHoods before unraveling. I now more fully know how to communicate with people from different cultures and backgrounds from my own. And I now more fully know how powerful that knowledge is! There have been a myriad of ways I’ve responded to these changes, but also a myriad of ways I haven’t had to change. “Change proposes constancy” insists that by experiencing the wild swings of your life, you’ll start to appreciate what has not shifted. For example, no matter what kind of situation I was involved in, my research partner Richie and other fellows we were with (Emma, Amanda, Emily, Griffin, Beshoy, Quinn, and Ali (each at different stops throughout our journey across East Africa)) were faithful supporters of mine at one point or another, as well as my parents from all the way back in Colorado; and that’s a solid truth I can rally behind. This has carried forth to be a life lesson: no matter what shakes my reality, I have remained fundamentally attached to push forward. No matter how much I grow away from home, I still grow closer to my parents and those who support me. And how much security can be gleaned from these statements! Now, to get into more specific accounts of my experiences this summer: Week 1: We ran into some flight issues as to be expected with international travel and arrived in Kenya a full day later than planned. Fortunately LivelyHoods was flexible and we worked with them to quickly readjust our schedule. Our first day in Nairobi we got acclimated to our new surroundings and attempted to adjust to the 10 hour time change. The following days involved meeting and interviewing the leadership team at Livelyhoods headquarters in Kawangware slum, sitting in on a new sales agent training, and accompanying new agents on their first time marketing in the field. Over the weekend we visited a baby elephant orphanage, a giraffe center supported by the African Fund for Endangered Wildlife, and went on a safari through Nairobi National Park! Week 2: My favorite part about this week was our interview with a veteran sales agent, Rachel. She’s been working with Livelyhoods for four years and is one of the company’s top-performing agents. But as you may have guessed, it didn’t start out easy. She only sold one cookstove in her first two months; she explained how difficult it was for her just to approach people and look them in the eye at the time. She was persistent though, and soon enough she became comfortable approaching and talking to people, and her sales slowly started improving. Four years later and not only is she able to afford everything she needs day to day, she’s also able to save a portion of her income each month and hopes to one day start her own cosmetics business. Week 3: This week was quite the travel week. We drove 4-10 hours each day visiting different branches of LivelyHoods throughout Kenya, often in remote areas. The view of the Great Rift Valley we got on our way to a branch visit in Kisii was a pocket of exhilaration amidst many otherwise flat and mundane miles on the road (remedied by rereading some Harry Potter books). It was always worth it when we arrived at the branches, though—listening to tactics branch managers use to improve the branch’s cohesiveness and sales and hearing stories from many of the sales agents was inspiring. When we returned for the weekend, we headed to the Kenyatta International Convention Center to get a 360° view of Nairobi. |
AuthorI'm a senior Environmental Studies major at Santa Clara University from Castle Rock, CO who's passionate about social and environmental justice. I enjoy cooking vegan food, climbing 14ers, reading, and learning to surf! ArchivesCategories |