Thinking back to my application essay for this fellowship, I was exhilarated by the opportunity to work with instead of for a community in the form of conducting action research for a social enterprise. When I was writing my application, I was taking a social entrepreneurship class, so I was familiar with the definitions of action research and social entrepreneurship. But I was only familiar with them through reading about them rather than learning about them immersively. I realized this fellowship was an opportunity to turn those two-dimensional definitions into three-dimensional concepts, which has certainly rung true. My fellowship partner Richie and I conducted research with our host social enterprise, LivelyHoods, that began through biweekly calls during our pre-fieldwork course in the spring, peaked during our eight weeks in the field, and didn’t conclude until our final call with them two days before Thanksgiving to go over our deliverables. It's truly a collaborative experience, and it taught me how to communicate effectively with more mentors than I’ve ever had at once, all united by a common goal: to advance LivelyHoods’ impact by discovering ways for it to become more financially sustainable. Armed with a 40-page action research plan and a number of facts about each of the three countries in East Africa I’d be working in, I felt as confident as I thought I could upon arriving in the field (although I knew in the back of my mind that more often than not, fellows start from scratch the moment they arrive given the constantly changing nature of social enterprises). After the first week or so, my eagerness to execute high-quality research remained high, but my confidence began to dwindle as I felt imposter syndrome start to creep in. “Am I really qualified enough to be doing this?”, “I’m sure there's someone who could do this work better”, “If I had more hard skills I’d be better able to help LivelyHoods further its impact”, my inner voice would say. Sure, I’ve improved my writing and critical thinking skills throughout my time in college thus far as an Environmental Studies major, and I’ve developed some hard skills like geographic information systems (GIS) and R. Still, I questioned whether I should’ve stuck with computer science as my major rather than changing to environmental studies sophomore year. LivelyHoods needed financial and data analysis in addition to a general analysis of their operations and partnerships. And what if I could’ve provided more value to them if I'd stuck with computer science and still found this fellowship? I felt inadequate, even though I knew I was doing my best—a tough feeling to grapple with. Not until the three weeks of break between returning from East Africa/attending the GSBI Accelerator and before school resumed did I do enough career research and self-work to genuinely lift myself out of feeling this way. In effort not to let impostor syndrome affect the quality or thoughtfulness of my research while still in the field, I tried to put a cap on the feeling and persist in hopes that in the end my work would still be of use and value to LivelyHoods, even if it wasn’t as much as I’d hoped. After Richie and I received positive feedback on the drafts of our deliverables from mentors, and especially after we received positive feedback from the LivelyHoods team during our last call with them, the weight of impostor syndrome had finally lifted. But perhaps even more so than the positive feedback from LivelyHoods and mentors, my vocational discernment journey that I began to dive deeper into this quarter has substantially increased my confidence in the major I chose and the skills I’ve learned. For that I'm deeply grateful, because if not for this fellowship I think I'd be less sure of myself and what I want to do in the future. When the fellowship was just beginning in the spring, our focus was to quickly get up to speed on the world of social entrepreneurship through reading books like Getting Beyond Better, Poor Economics, and Building a Successful Social Venture, in tandem with developing our action research plan. Because I was hyper-focused on this, I didn’t foresee the great friendships I would either make or strengthen with the other fellows. I have a number of close friends here at SCU, but after spending the majority of the past nine months around 17 other exceptionally motivated and grounded students, I feel like I’ve truly found family here. Much like many of the people I met and worked with in East Africa and the entirety of this fellowship experience, the friendships I have with the other fellows is something I will cherish forever. Touching down in my home state of Colorado after eight weeks of fieldwork and a week of networking at the GSBI Accelerator in Santa Clara, I imagined I’d want to do nothing more than vegetate for a significant portion of our three-week break before school resumed. But this wasn’t quite the case. Was I exhausted? I’d say so. But was I also beginning to notice the symptoms of imposter syndrome resurface? Yes, and now I finally had more time to look deeper into it, face it head on, and try to solve it. It seemed obvious to me that I was never going to fully relax until I found a solution to feeling this way, so I chose to reflect and do career research. I thought that if I could reassure myself that I really do have valuable, employable skills, even as someone who hasn't yet completed her undergrad degree, and even as someone who might not have the confidence to always see it, I’d feel better. Many hours of research later, I actually felt less exhausted than I did prior because I’d found a handful of potential next steps after graduating that align well with my interests, skills, and goals. What a relief. I realized that choosing to switch my major to what I am most passionate about sophomore year was the right decision. In fact, it helped guide me toward this fellowship and toward the newfound confidence and fervor I feel in pursuit of the next steps in my career—yet another serendipitous aspect of this fellowship for me. I find the world of social entrepreneurship inspiring; it’s an essential piece to solving the complex puzzle that is global poverty and the ecological crisis. I also feel that working with a social enterprise, walking with their primary beneficiaries (in my case, sales agents that LivelyHoods recruits and trains) to market clean-energy products in the slums, and hearing firsthand multiple stories of sales agents escaping the poverty trap, only reinforced my passion for social and environmental justice. I know wholeheartedly that is what I will dedicate my career to. Through the vocational discernment portion of this fellowship, I have done informational interviews with people whose careers inspire me and that I could potentially see myself doing in the future. Throughout this process, I have found that perhaps my skills and interests could be best suited to pursuing a few different options after graduation, some of which are: applying for a Master’s of Environmental Law & Policy, applying for a CivicSpark fellowship to work on climate change resilience, and applying for an assistantship position at a law firm to then decide if I want to pursue a degree in Environmental Law. This fellowship has shaped me into a more confident and independent person. My desire to ensure that this world is not a worse place because I lived in it has only grown stronger because of this experience, and I now have a deeper understanding of the critical importance of community engagement and collaboration on the journey to solving the world’s most pressing issues. Although I know the process of deciding on one's career is dynamic and in some cases ever-changing, I know what is important to me and I’m grateful to be able to draw from this experience in all my future endeavors. Thank you Miller Center, and thank you LivelyHoods for such an impactful experience. Despite the ambiguity and times of stress, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could.
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AuthorI'm a senior Environmental Studies major at Santa Clara University from Castle Rock, CO who's passionate about social and environmental justice. I enjoy cooking vegan food, climbing 14ers, reading, and learning to surf! ArchivesCategories |